My wife wondered about that "arrogant jerk" comment I made about myself in the last entry I posted to my blog. When she pressed me for an example of that happening, I couldn't come up with one. Now I'm starting to wonder whether those perceptions were mostly based on me reading my past writing and thinking what an arrogant jerk the guy who wrote it must have been. Granted, that persona was trapped in a world of his own mind most of the time, but it grates on me just to know that I used to think that way. But maybe I didn't even think that way, and was just bad at expressing myself in words. That certainly explains why I didn't (and still don't) talk too much, even though I don't consider myself to be a shy person. I'm still trying to find my words. I can pump out forty a minute now when I do my daily entries, and I've gotten better about just letting them flow instead of getting stuck on trying to find the perfect phrasing for everything. I still write slower when I think I'm going to post something to the blog though. I feel I have to be more careful if there's a chance that other people are going to read what I'm writing. To a certain degree that makes sense, since I know how much grammatical gaffes and inarticulate phrasing bother me when I'm reading, and I wouldn't want to inflict that on anyone else if I could help it. But it's still a form of self-censorship, and I have to be wary of that.
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